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09.september 2020-Somaya El Sousi

09.september 2020-Somaya El Sousi

Hvordan er det å være på flukt eller i eksil når verden rammes av en pandemi? 13 forfulgte forfattere rapporterer fra sin hverdag i en digital dagbok. Bidrag nummer tjueto kommer fra Soamaya El Sousi fra Gaza.

The silent fear

I am not convinced by the idea of the unknown enemy; the enemy must possess the smell of explosives and fires! An enemy has to wear red, the fragrance of pain. I must hear his voice echoing like a warplane carrying death and devastation.

I loved the shape of the virus and could not link the beauty of this artistic consistency to the disease itself. Maybe my “Gazan” mentality was programmed on what it is only able to see and hear. Ironically, this beautifully shaped virus was convincing and frightening for everyone, a silent fear that does have a taste, but it is different.

Isolation transforms life paths. A lot of news and instructions surrounding me from everywhere. I just want a moment away from the Corona*.

I run to my bed, my memory wakes me up, I always run to the bed, am I afraid?

I laugh at myself! I come back to me, to the shelling sound, to the smell of smoke, I escape from the news and the numbers of martyrs. At that time, too, I was looking for my own moment, away from that war that never gets bored of us.

Fear shapes our memories and dreams.

Nothing will happen, this curse will end as it started, but they do not believe it, they just disappear in their homes suffocated by isolation.

My memories protect me and carry me away, days pass slowly, dates disappoint me when they disappear.

I will not leave my city and the memory will not leave me.


*the pandemic 


Translated by Kenan Khadaj