16. september 2020- Amani AboShabana Egypt

Hvordan er det å være på flukt eller i eksil når verden rammes av en pandemi? 13 forfulgte forfattere rapporterer fra sin hverdag i en digital dagbok. Siste bidrag i digital dagbok, nummer tjuetre, er fra Amani AboShabana fra Egypt.
Amani Abo Shabana
Translated from Arabic by Oda M. Winsnes
Remote from existence and fear
The former: frailty that breaches the body and silences each breath.
The latter: an iron fist that once tried to suppress me.
A parched loneliness without affectionate kisses or intimate handshakes
from loved ones who once soothed the heart, inspiring hope.
And a house whose ears have grown deaf to the crumbling world.
Every time I have tried to break open the locks, it repels me with the words of Thabit:
“Death roams the roads of this world
so perhaps steadfast isolation leads to life
or maybe the word you have always kept secret will come to hurt you.”
Inside walls draped in questions
under a roof that scatters its ghosts over me
on a floor I struggle not to drown in
I have wrapped myself in solitude
in letters that profusely serenade love itself
and poetry that sprouts flowers in between the heavy rocks.
And I have sung like a bird who sees in every sky a gift
in every bough support
and in every day a promise to stay.
Out of trust that the reach of the word would not diminish
I clung to it
and I told a story
of emperors, spun it into a night and shackled their necks with it
but I fretted and faltered—over perfidious scissors and a blind hammer
and from a heart so crushed it has become a habit
a fugitive I embraced as salvation
and a freedom I sought from the tyrant’s mouth.
But then, through language, you are as physical as an embrace
by its warmth you alleviate a thousand years of sorrow
and through its voice you sow living hope
and an amazement that no evil may touch.
Knowing that every epidemic comes to an end
I have closed my eyes to despair
For every loss I have fashioned a lung
and for every face a memory.
I have resisted the record of ruin
fixing an eye on the opportunities in life.
Raise it up, and one day I will let you know about the miracle of deliverance.